Interview With A Bloger

This is the now famous fictitious interview done by the famous but fictitious bombshell reporter Mini Skirt, with the even more fictitious and less famous Aka Lol. Mini was predictably dressed and Aka was also dressed. The reason this interview was conducted is still unknown.

Mini: Aka, what is the meaning of Life is a Beach, or as you annoyiningly put it, This Beach Called Life.

Aka: It means life is like a beach.

Mini: Can you expand on this since our readers and not as smart as you.

Aka: Do I detect a hint of sarcasm in your tone?

Mini: It wasn’t a hint!

Aka, rolling his eyes and looks to the ceiling after taking a peep at Mini’s low cut top.

Aka: Very well, Mini, I will expand. I like the beach and I like my life. Sometimes the beach is calm and peaceful and very reassuring. It can bring out the best in you and it can lock out the world. At its best, there is nothing that can compare to the beach. Then there are times when the beach can be rough and unpleasant. It is totally transformed into something unrecognizable and unbearable. But it never stays that way for very long, and it soon comes back to its peaceful state. As I said, Life is a Beach.

Mini: Ok, whatever.

Aka: Did I impress you?

Mini: No.

Aka: @#$%

Mini: Will you not resort to this vile behavior?

Aka, looks amused, but mostly he looks at the rising hem on Mini’s skirt.

Mini: Some say you are an atheist, is that true?

Aka: I will be any type of doctor you want me to be.

Mini: An 8-tee-yist. Is someone who doesn’t believe in God. I thought you were smart.

Aka: I am smart but only around smart people. But to answer you first question, I don’t believe in religion though I do believe it is useful. I do believe in God but not the limited Gods of religions. I do not believe in the religion of fear but the religion of kindness and compassion.

Mini: Do you consider yourself a deep person?

Aka: No, I do not.

Mini: You write stuff that most people don’t write. Some say that means you are deep.

Aka: What it means is that I write stuff that most people do not. That is not deep, that means I have an idle mind and some time on my hands.

Mini: Do you have a general philosophy for life?

Aka: Right this minute it is A healthy mind in a healthy body.

Mini: So you are an advocate of fitness.

Aka: And I believe we are all fit people.

Mini: What do you mean, oh deep-one.

Aka: You flatter me, but not enough. What I mean is that we are all fit for different things. I met a guy yesterday who was fit for prison. Two days ago I saw a womanizer who was fit for plastic surgery. You get the gist of my theory.

Mini: I was expecting a deeper answer from one so enlightened. Can you be serious for just a short time?

Aka: Not with everything rising all round me.

As he ends the sentence, Aka looks at Mini’s hem line making slow progress. Mini doesn’t notice Aka's less than casual glances at the main attraction. Mini looks to the heavens but only makes it as far as the ceiling. She seems to need the patience to deal with this guy called Aka.

Mini: How long have you been bloging?

Aka: That sounds very indecent, thanks.

Mini: So, how long?

Aka: How long? I thought you would never ask, quite long actually. You would be very impressed.

Mini: Mr. Lol, please keep your mind out the rubbish heap. There would be children reading this interview you know. Men are all the same, aren't they?

Aka is amused that Mini is not. Her hem is unmoved, and Aka silently curses the man who invented friction.

Mini: Please stay focused on the questions. What caused you to start bloging here?

Aka: Bloging, what a turn on. Anyway, I was encouraged by a very talented writer and fellow blogger. I don't want to call her name in public but I just want to publicly say Tunks; I mean thanks.

Aka shows juvenile signs of frustration as Mini's hem seems to be caught in rush hour traffic. Aka now casually glances at Mini's helpful top, but for some reason his mind goes blank, except for two things.

Mini: Why do you think I am interviewing you?

Aka: Because you tried the rest and want now the best?

Mini: Very funny! Do you think your readers will find this interview weird?

Aka: I think readers would be very disappointed there was so much friction during this interview, and no, they won't find it weird.

Mini: How can you be sure of that?

Aka: I am still alive, aren’t I?

Mini: What’s your greatest turn on in a woman?

Aka: When the hemline on her mini skirt rises just a touch.

Mini: And your greatest turn off?

Aka: When it drops.

With that answer Mini restores her hemline to its original position, flicks her head back, thanks Aka for the interview, and canters down the walkway. In another version of this ending she simply tanks Aka.

His Complete Unpublished Works

Aka Lol - His Complete Unpublishable Works

If You Are What You Eat Then Why Am I Not Human

Tree Reasons I gave Up Woodcutting

Parliament and Other Sources of Natural Gas

An Intelligent Politician - The Oxymoronic Years

Matchsticks, The Real Eye-opener


Blogers Note:

The rumor that all Aka’s works were rejected by publishers who publish authors with even the slightest hint of talent is true.


Blogers Further Note:

I can't believe you actually thought I had something more to say on this topic :)