I am Superman

Your results:
You are Superman

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Why Fast Food is Slow

The customer may always be right but that doesn't mean the customer isn't stupid. Casual observation of the slow-moving lines at fast food outlets would indicate something has gone dreadfully wrong and must be corrected immediately. It may be the way counter attendants operate, or the new wave of customers with no fast-food savvy. Customer stupidity might be the problem so naturally I am qualified to suggest a solution.

In order to make fast food outlets fast again I propose two types of lines at these outlets. One would be labeled "People Who Know What They Want aka: Smart Customers" and "People Who DO NOT Know What They Want aka: Stupid Customers." There is no point in punishing the smart with the stupid so customers should know their fast-food ability. Further to this, the fast-food association should launch a massive advertising campaign alerting customers how to identify the tell-tail signs of mental dullness. Typically, stupid customers look at the menu board above in shock-and-awe every time. The stupid usually say things like "The fries big-big?" "Let me see what the biscuit look like? It does taste good?" “All yuh have breast? Gimme two nah. Not that breast, de leg next to it.” “Yuh have any vegetarian pizza with meat?" “Ah chicken roti with beef.”

A smart customer is a joy to behold in action because they know their stuff; their answers are faster and crisper than the food. They show mental alertness and spend less than one minute placing their order. A stupid customer, on the other hand, can spend as much as 15 minutes, and as long as 30 minutes at the counter before fast-food security is called in. The stupid-line will be staffed with specially trained psychologist who will guide them through the maze of choices. These customers would be required to wear a special red armband so they can be easily identified, and pulled out of the smart-line and herded where they belong. If these proposals are implemented then getting fast food will be fast once again.

Hair-Goal, hair-goal!!

The hopeless, and once Almighty England decided to ask Almighty God to help them win their crucial match against Trinidad and Tobago, but God, not being one for favoring one country over another for ethical reasons, especially in the World Cup, firmly declined. England, desperate to look like a football playing nation once again then turned to the Almighty Referee who, being from the First World, had absolutely no trouble in favoring the pseudo football playing country over the better team.

Hair-goal, hair-goal cried the proud and lackluster English, as they pulled their way through to the second round of FIFA World Cup 2006!

Soca Warriors 2006

Today is the start of the FIFA World Cup 2006 in Germany, an event that not only billions of people all over the World were looking forward to for the last four years, but also a few North Americans. Football is the most widely played competitive sport on planet Earth, followed by strip poker, and finding parking in Port of Spain. For the next few weeks, until the 9th of July, the Word, except for North America, will not be the same, and in fact be a much better place. It is events like The World Cup, which makes the Planet livable and people insanely happy. With all the competitiveness between the 32 nations which qualified, and even those which didn't, there is also togetherness. Sport has unified more people on the planet than any religion, or crusade against terror.


Trinidad and Tobago, the smallest nation to ever qualify for this event, will make their first appearance tomorrow. That is an historic event, which will be proudly written in all the future history books. I wish the Soca Warriors well, but what's more important, the World already has. The World Cup is much more than a sporting event, it is a necessity, and If it didn't exist it would have to be invented.

Long Live The World Cup!!!

Much is at Stake, but why not Steak?

Some words can only best be understood when written, and not when said. One such word is stakeholder which, to the average man in the street, or meat-eating village idiot, may sound like steak holder. Not many years ago, when one heard the words steak holder, or stake holder their minds immediately drifted to butchers, meat packers, cooks, gamblers, and vampire slayers such as Buffy, and even Blade. In modern times, everyone is now a stakeholder, and not by choice. Most of us are even holders of many stakes and sometimes even steaks, depending on our fetish.

Imagine stakeholder, a Johnny-come-lately to the glossary pages, is a fused word, but the ice cube, and Ice Cube the very popular rapper-turned-actor, are a more useful duo of words, and still two, not one. How could that be right? How could that be just? If that is not word discrimination at its most blatant and scandalous, I don’t know what is.

Instead of saying "everyone affected,” “all concerned,” or “having an interest in,” someone with a thing for word fusion, and probably a malfunctioning spacebar (space bar), came up with the word stakeholder. I have nothing against stakeholders, but why stakeholder and not the rest? Apparently, this biased fusion went unnoticed and without protest, since we now live in the age of the dot com where word fusion is now a way of life. Not necessarily a good life, but a life nevertheless (never the less).

I am sure by now you must be at the edge of your seat, biting your nails and shaking your head or heads in disbelief with this revelation. I am sure you may also want to know the way forward and what you, as an average model inhabitant of a country where the legal language is now English, could do to help. But all I have to say to you is Perro que no camina, no encuentra hueso. Also, I say, ask not what you can do for your language, but what your language can do for you.

Being a lone crusader in this battle for the unified and equal treatment of words, I suggest steakholder also becomes a word. The word steakholder will mean someone who is holding a steak. Simple and precise is the way of The English Language, and clearly, steakholder is a step in that elusive, but right direction.

Help stamp out word discrimination and visit:

http://www.steakholder.com

Here are but a few examples of the correct use of both words, stakeholder, and steakholder:

• Buffy was not simply a stake holder, she was also a stakeholder in the vampire slaying business.
  
• The cook, having caused last Friday’s scandalous food poisoning fiasco, never wanted to touch meat again, so he employed Gargoyle, who was a professional steakholder.
• I am a stakeholder and I am proud.
• I am a steakholder and I am proud.
  

Clearly, without seeing the words written, you can tell which word is which, and in every example. I rest my case.

Stakeholders can be people, but so to can steakholders.

aka_lol

p.s. If you do a Google search for steakholder you will get results which can be either be caused by gross misspellings due to indifference between meat and wood, or support for my word :)

http://www.steakholder.com

What Popped Out - An Essay On Nonsense

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

E. M. Forster

The best conversations I have are the ones that take place with sales attendants in bookstores. It's the one place I can go, mention a book, and people don't look at me as if I am mad. Did I mention the fact that the best conversations I have are with female sales attendants at these bookstores? I should have because that might be the point of this blog, or totally pointless to any blog. Let's see.

I think an average looking girl can appear much more attractive to me if she is smart. Not a smart aleck, but an intelligent female who looks good in tight jeans. Not straying from the topic, but when I say tight I don't mean vulgar-tight but daintily tight. Yes, there is a distinction between the two levels of tightness, and I prefer level-one tightness - for jeans that is. Level-two does have its appeal, and it all boils down, or up, to personal taste. Some guys are blown away by level-two, and can even briefly lose consciousness on the first sighting. As someone once said, it all depends on how the package is wrapped. That last statement reeks of male sexism, but I first heard it from a liberated female with intense male bashing tendencies.

It would be impossible to write an essay on nonsense without mentioning Mr. James Bond from the UK. I, like much of the movie going population, am not a big fan of Mr. Bond or even his gadgets. Some women seem delighted by his gadget(s) but those would be the gadget minded females of our planet. I am however a big fan of the pseudo-intellectual Bond beauties, who are not afraid to reveal their true shape to PG audiences, and who only know English as a second or third language, if any language. These exotic and erotic beauties radiate a raw sexiness via various body parts, while cracking complex Russian codes, or hacking into Cray type supercomputers in order to save the world before the movie ends. Their reward is a night with the gadget-toting Mr. Bond, who remains calm while excitement lap dances the audience into a frenzy. These erotic beauties normally don’t go very far in the movie business, and usually end up as posters in the rooms of deprived men and boys. We (men and boys) envy Bond and his ability to charm the pants, or pull the bikini strings off most exotic beauties in full view of vivid imiginations.

Yes, I have strayed too much and I need to regroup, and try to remember what my point was. I think I remember. I am one of those guys who are turned on by a brain with a body (sexist statement). Failing the right mix of the two ingredients, then I will have to give in to instinct and go with the jeans, which wraps the body to perfection, or a skirt, which cleverly but clearly implies where the treasure is. I think this blog is probably nonsensical, and appears for no reason other than I started to type, and this is what popped out.

p.s. This blog was done in h.s format - the quote intros :)

Indonesian quake death toll passes 4,300

The worst devastation was in the town of Bantul, which accounted for three-quarters of the deaths. One man dug his 5-year-old daughter out of the rubble of her bedroom only to have her die in a hospital awaiting treatment with hundreds of others.

"Her last words were 'Daddy, Daddy,'" said Poniran, who like many Indonesians uses only one name.

"I have to start my life from zero again." said Poniran's father.

Here is my question - Does it matter what was the nationality, color, race, or, God forbid, the religion of Poniran? And if so, why, and to whom.

Initiative Against Crime

Check out the Initiative Against Crime which was initiated by firemanboyzie, aka:Kwesi Stewart.

The team so far is made up of a wide cross-section of people, who are listed below, and was introduced by firemanboyzie at the blog. Click here for introductions.

• firemanboyzie
• Jahari Gamba
• Krista-Lee Bissoon
• crazee mudderasss
• Valarauka
• Kahaya
• aka_lol

At The BEEP!!

You have reached that famous, but captivatingly handsome bloger, aka_lol, and I am either unable, or unwilling to take your call at this time. However, if you think you are important to me, please leave your name and number, along with that of an attractive female, at the beep, and I may get back to you if and when I see it fit to do so - you calling me doesn't mean your call is important to me. However, if you are that attractive female, and have a thing for blogers, please send proof via MMS. If I am impressed I will get back to you sooner than you think.

BEEP!!

The Lonely Flammable Gas Ball - A Brief History

Long before men controlled their sticks and flicked their BICs, the Sun wasn’t the Sun but a lonely ball of highly flammable gas aimlessly floating around the Solar System, oblivious as to what Solar or flammable meant, or even to the benefits of rotating car tires. Since there was no Sun, the Earth was a dark and cold place, much like how it is today except happier. The gas ball was actually called "The Lonely Flammable Gas Ball" and not "The Sun," contrary to what the history books and daily newspapers might have said at the time.

According to a budding grapevine, it all started one Sunday morning, at around noon. There was a certain bikini walking along a beach that night (since the day was yet to be invented), which triggered a heavy bout of stick rubbing on planet Earth. This walking bikini also caused friction to be developed between two sticks competing for the same flame. A spark, born out of this latest bout of wild and meaningless friction, grew fed up of the typical spark-life and managed a daring escape.

This aggravated spark bobbed and weaved across the Universe, skillfully avoided principles of physics, asteroids and film crews shooting yet another retroactive episode of Star Wars, and landed in, of all places, a no-smoking zone on the "The Lonely Flammable Gas Ball.” This caused what is now popularly know as The Spark and Gas Fiasco , aka: Here Comes The Sun. This created not only the sunrise, the daytime soap opera and the sunny-side-up egg, but also the need for sunglasses, sun block, tan lines, nude beaches, and daytime fragrances. It also caused nightclubs to have shorter opening hours and probably shorter skirts, which triggered pleasant daydreams, even at night. The rest is Solar System History and this blog.

Digicel Trinidad and Tobago - A Review

With and estimated 1.3 billion dollars invested in Trinidad and Tobago, along with probably hundreds of thousands of skilled man-hours in planning and implementation, you would have expected Digicel to be blowing away the competition. This is not even close to happening if I am to judge by how empty their scores of stores (that rhymes) are and how so few people I know actually have a Digicel phone - I know of only one so far. I have a feeling Digicel expected to be successful simply because they thought people were unhappy with bmobile and liked free red tee shirts. For their investment sake, I hope this was not the case. "More customer service" is a good catch phrase but without customers it remains only a phrase.

My five experiences with Digicel were all bad since they seem to only be selling these scarce phones to friends. The Trini culture of "contact" to get anything might be the way these stores prefer to conduct business. I am sure the novelty of The Red has now worn off and I think Digicel has missed, not only the boat, but also the entire ocean. I, like many frustrated and fed up people, will not be begging Digicel to pay for a service anytime in the near future because customers don't beg to pay when there is a competitor available, even if that competitor is bmobile. We are not that desperate. Any cell-phone company hoping to compete, and which cannot anticipate or cater for the public needs, must be headed for failure. A superior network is all well and good, but you need customers to use it, otherwise it would be like the proverbial tree falling in the woods with no one to hear it fall. Sadly, I have to say, being red now looks like being dead.

update (11-05-2006): If this were not true it would be very funny. I was told today that Digicel (or one of its franchise holders - same thing really) in Grand Bazaar now has phones but they cannot sell any. This amazing hi-tech company cannot do any activations because they have no paper and customer-hopefuls should return in a few hours. Yes, that's correct, no paper is what I understand they are telling potential customers. When probed further the sales attendants are saying they have no paper to photocopy something or the other. I imagine Denis O'Brien would be pleased. So much for more customer service. All this from a company without a customer base and is proposing to be the leaders in the cellular market. That's a joke. I would throw a big party if I were the folks at bmobile. Apparently the stupidity continues, only better than before.

update (15-05-2006): Today, on page 25 of the Guardian, Digicel has a 3/4 page advertisement saying their rate, until the 15th June, is now 3 cents a minute after the first three minutes. On page 26 of the Guardian, bmobile has a full-page ad saying their rate is now 25 cents a minute after the first three minutes. There is no cut-off date for the bmobile rate. These rates apply to Red to Red and Green to Green - you know what I mean.

I assume the war between the Red and the Green will continue until they both have achieved some level of stability. I am still without a Digicel phone and as tempting as the 3 cents offer is, I won't do this at the expense of my customer-pride.

Aka's Blog Life

Aka decided to share his blog-life with the public so he once again agreed to having Mini.....conduct an interview. This is what never happened.

Mini: You have suddenly posted three blogs, four if you count this one. Why?

Aka: Four comes after three but before five, that's why. If you meant why three blogs, or four if you count this one, then I would say it was an impulse.

Mini: Are you normally impulsive or not?

Aka: I am a blog-engineer; we are trained not to be impulsive in life and sometimes in blogging.

Mini: So that is what a blog-engineer is, a non-impulsive life-bloger.

Aka: Yes, and also irresistibly charming.

Mini: You definitely missed that boat. Anyway, I understand you recently received an email which went on and on about your frequent blog comments and your blogs.

Aka: That is true, and the email didn't even come from a blogger, but a very good friend of a few years.

Mini: Were you offended by the email?

Aka: Not at all, she was in high praise of my comments and my blogs

Mini: Who is she? Never mind. Why do you comment so much Aka? Do you have too much time on your hands? Is it some type of mental illness? What?

Aka: Why so negative? My blog comments are my way of telling people I read what you wrote and I either understood what you said or didn't. My comments might be my way of saying that people matter. People don't blog to be ignored Mini, except for me perhaps, but I love being unnoticed, most of the time anyway.

Mini: That is strange, why do you like being unnoticed?

Aka: I am up at 4:30 am every morning by choice and my cell starts to ring at 5:30 am. It doesn't stop until late in the evening, or at night on a bad day. People are constantly after my attention at work so that is why I sometimes enjoy being not noticed, even if only in blog form.

Mini: What are your passions Aka, what keeps you going everyday?

Aka: That's easy, my photography, the web, people, Mini Skirts, life, my job, my Honda, and cell phone ads.

Mini: You are not serious, are you?

Aka: Yes I am.

Mini: What are your vices?

Aka: According to my friends I am one of those poor unfortunate fools who never managed to develop a proper vice except for blog commenting and photography.

Mini: That is sad.

Aka:I know, but on the other hand they say it is the vices which makes a man interesting, so that would account for me being on the other side of interesting.

Mini: What turns you on in women?

Aka: I was about to ask you the same thing but I doubt you would tell me. What I find attractive in women? That would be hard to say, other than the perennial pair of nice legs wrapped in a short skirt, nice brain, good sense of humor, hips that don't stay still. There are too many variables in that equation which would give a good answer.

Mini: Very interesting answers. Aka, you seem to be happy, are you?

Aka: Yes and yes. I don't want to elaborate but I am not a down or depressed type of person, except when I think about West Indies Cricket. I am enjoying my life everyday.

Mini: What's next for Aka? Where is he headed?

Aka: I might beheading to Pt. Lisas today.

Mini: Very funny Aka, I mean where is your blog and your life headed?

Aka: My blog has a mind of it’s own so I don’t have to worry about that. As for my life, all I can say is that I don't see any need to change course but I might just change my cellular provider and also upgrade my PC. I think I will start to read Stephen King's The Gunslinger again or reread The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Douglas Adams was the best. I also need to make some website edits and call a friend in Colombia, they are three hours behind us so I will call around 9:00pm.

Mini: You and your Colombian fixation! Let's move on. Do you think people will read this conversation?

Aka: Would you?

Mini: No, it’s not very funny, or interesting.

Aka: Never said it was.

Sneek-Peeks

Here is the much unanticipated Sneek-Peeks of the new, exciting, never before seen, sadly lacking in content blogs called The Misadventures of Aka_lol - the Ultimate Zen Blogger and Comment Specialist.

• She was about six feet long, forteen inches wide, eight inches deep, and scarcely bulged on any side. She had just been crowned Queen and aka thought she would make a good ruler.

• Aka was facinated by the book, "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" so naturally, after he died he expected to meet them. When no one came Aka realized this was going to be hell.

• Aka wanted to be ignored all his life but when it finally happened he didn't like it one bit. It felt like winning a lotto the same day money was decleared obsolete.

• He was called the local Mr. Bond for two reasons. The first reason had to do with how scecretive he was and the other was that he lived up to his name.

• Aka had managed to fight off twenty swordsmen without so much as a scratch or the need for extra strenght deoderant. He was not only prolific with his sword, but also with his imigination.

• Mini accused Aka of not answering his phone but Aka, a firm believer in the truth and infomercials, said this was not so. The truth is that Aka always answered his phone but not when it was ringing. It was less stressful that way.

A Cool Test

I did this test and it blew my mind!!!


Here are my results:

Peaceful, Discreet, Non Aggressive

You are easy-going yet discreet. You make friends effortlessly, yet enjoy your privacy and independence. You like to get away from it all and be alone from time to time to contemplate the meaning of life and enjoy yourself. You need space, so you escape to beautiful hideaways, but you are not a loner. You are at peace with yourself and the world, and you appreciate life and what this world has to offer.

Crapo Smoke Yuh Pipe

I did a Google search for Crapo Smoke Yuh Pipe and this came up.

Crapo Smoke Yuh Pipe

Fire Cell

The cell phone phenomenon is no longer a phenomenon but a new way of life, and a new excuse for accidentally running over people and into electricity poles. It is also a new way of being rude and a certainly an extra special way of disposing of our income. It is also an easy way of staying in touch with those you don't want to stay in touch with, such as insurance agents and the owner of the green BMW you scratched in the car park at Movietowne last Wednesday at around 9:25 pm, while desperately trying to make eye-contact with a girl in an extra short skirt, but failed because your eyes never made it past her……legs. Yes, men do scratch cars but only for good reason. Let me continue. The world is getting smaller every day but does it have to get so small so fast. I liked the way it was, distant and unreachable. The Internet has made distance irrelevant but fiber cables necessary. The cell phone has made large countries small and caused tropical islands to replace coconut trees with cell towers and green balloons. Our landscape is changing but we are happy and connected.

The way the world works is like this; all luxuries becomes necessities, all necessities become conveniences, and all conveniences become inconvenient, especially when there is no signal. A classic example is fire. When fire was first invented by a caveman rubbing his sticks, it was a luxury enjoyed only by the upper-class cave dweller with someone to help him rub his sticks. In a few short years the fire business was booming as cave-women learnt how to light a cave-man’s fire simply by looking at his sticks. Then the inconvenience set in as cave-women grew to understand the power of the flame and cave-men grew addicted to it. The rest is painful history.

The magic is in the flame, not the stick.
The Unknown Cave-man

The Destruction Continues

This bush fire started on the Pine Trail at Mt. St. Benedict yesterday evening, and raged well into the night. Thankfully the winds were low by evening time so the spread was contained. Like all bush fires it probably was manmade. In this country, once it's dry enough and it can burn, somebody will make sure it burns. Ironically, this fire took place next to a fire-watcher tower. It could have been worse but it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Isn't this a crime against all the people?

Dear Blog Friends

Dear Blog Friends,

When people ask me why I don’t blog more often I ask, which came first, the chicken or the egg. So far, almost half the people voted for the egg and the other half only eat fish because of the recent bird flu scare. My mother always said if you blog more then people will come, but I doubt she knew what a blog was but she said it anyway. Most people are like that, making pronouncements on things they know very little of like how to remove a permanent butt-tattoo or where to get them. In my line of bloging a level head, along with careful thought, is necessary if I am to continue to contribute to the much-needed human development of this planet, which I am now a part of despite loud protest from certain circles and a few other out of shape people. That would account for my lack of blog.

Unlike you, my Blog Friends, I have no over flown toilets or roommates from hell. I don’t write poetry or know any lyrics by Creed. I didn’t find the Googleplex first or even know about nine precious gifts. I also don’t know how to make Divas or how to start a new beginning. Despite not knowing, all these topics were in my head long before they appeared on my fellow bloggers blogs, but as the old saying goes, he who hesitates will take longer, and probably will not get a cheap Digicel phone.

The competition for comments in the blog-world is vicious and this has made the blogging atmosphere tense and not as friendly as it once was. Despite this turmoil in the industry I believe in letting people know they exist and they are not forgotten, if I remember that is. That is why I comment on blogs, even if only four or five paragraphs. In my opinion, we must always appreciate what we have and also pay homage to the five greatest inventions of our time, the wheel, the blog, the blog comment, the semi-permanent tattoo and the bikini.

Best Regards

aka_lol